The Penny God is the god of pennies. Also of cents, centimes, centimos,
centavos, sen, fils, quintars, qintars, lepta, pice, öre, and
agorot.
Why are pennies lucky?
Because they are money—but not money. Because copper has a
peculiar virtue as a conductor of luck. Because pennies
slip unregarded into odd corners and cracks. Because those
who think only of money and material gain will not stoop to pick
up a valueless penny but will sweep it out as trash.
What must we do to gain the luckiness of a penny?
First, pick it up in your non-dominant hand. Clutch it tightly or
transfer it carefully to a pocket on the same (non-dominant) side
of the body. Return home as quickly as possible. Before doing
anything else, go at once to your lucky penny jar, add the new
penny, then shake the jar reverently, to realign the forces of
luck. You may now listen to your phone messages, check your
email, and otherwise go about your normal affairs.
Is this the only way in which a true believer may gain the
luckiness of a penny?
Not at all. It is merely an example. The Penny God is not one of
your jealous, finicky deities. Any way you want to do it is fine
with him.
What is luck?
Unbelievers hold many foolish and presumptuous beliefs about
luck. They believe luck is getting something on sale while others
pay full price, or winning a lottery, or finding a lot more money
than a mere penny lying in the street. Luck is a
cosmic force of vast power. The entire living cosmos is
dependent upon luck for its existence. It was by luck that
self-replicating organic compounds formed in the primordial soup.
It is by luck that moisture and warmth reach the dormant
seed and rouse it to life. Luck, and only luck, wards
off the forces of decay and degeneration to allow that life to
continue, however briefly. Luck even protects us from ourselves.
Luck preserves a few ivory-billed woodpeckers in the vast depths
of an obscure swamp, safe, at least until they become an
ecotourist destination. Luck wards off stray asteroids. Luck
causes bombs not to go off and dictators to blunder. Luck may or
may not keep global warming from being quite as catastrophic as
it could be.
What do we mean when we say that the Penny God is the
Giver of Luck?
Luck dwells in all living things, though some creatures have more
luck than they can use, and some never seem to have any luck but bad. The
humble copper penny is an excellent conductor of luck. To touch a
penny, then negligently lose it, carries off certain discrete
though non-quantifiable units of the luck force with it. The luck
is then transferred to the next person to possess the penny. By
this means the Penny God acts to distribute the forces of
luck more equitably and to reward those who venerate his lucky
pennies.
Is the Penny God all-powerful?
No. If he were, he would ensure that the teeming billions of
unhappy and struggling creatures, whom he greatly pities but
cannot help, enjoyed luck equally. The Penny God is not
omnipresent, either, but may work only through the mystical
forces inherent in lost and found pennies.
Is the Penny God all-knowing?
Not really. His divine vision extends through time and space but
bounded by the energy field of the lucky penny. When you find and grasp a
lucky penny, the Penny God attains full knowledge of your
happiness and unhappiness, your luckiness and unluckiness. What
the Penny God chooses for you is wiser than what you would chose
for yourself.
Is the Penny God all-good?
Yes and no. The Penny God pities the unfortunate and wishes to
help them. However, the Penny God is a trickster god, and it is
not always pleasant to be the object of one of his little
practical jokes or pranks.
What do we mean when we say the Penny God is a trickster
god?
Those whom the Penny God loves he chastises with tricks and
pranks. Those who count too much on their luck will lose it.
Those who seek a penny will not find one. He sometimes gives us
just what we wish for in order to show us that we were better off
before.
What are some of the tricks of the Penny God?
He puts a penny in your path just when you cannot get at it. The
Penny God reveals a bright copper penny gleaming in the
street. “Ah! I could really use some luck!” But, when you rush to
retrieve it, you find that it is stuck fast in the road
tar—and that you have just put yourself in front of
oncoming traffic. Or, you bend rather too quickly and eagerly to
snatch a penny from the sidewalk—and the large person
behind you collides heavily with your exposed
backside. By his little jokes, the wise Penny God admonishes
us not to be greedy and presuming, even for the sake of his
treasured pennies.
Can we know by our natural reason that there is a Penny
God?
Yes, for natural reason tells us that the random and inequitable
forces of chance rule the world; whatever is good, is lucky. Haven’t you ever picked up
a penny and then had something good happen to you? The Penny God
sent you a sign of his presence, but you were blind and did not
see; you were deaf and did not hear; you were lucky and did not know it!
